oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Randomize
