Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Randomize
