Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
