I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
