The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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