hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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