Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
