You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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