you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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