What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
