Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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