Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
