Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
