At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize