Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
lol hangovers are for mortals.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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