Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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