I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
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