I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I just blew my weed a kiss
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
