Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
