Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
