Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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