if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
