I think I just saw someone hide a body.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize