I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
