Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
