Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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