Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
