i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
