I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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