dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
