Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
