I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
