Just took my morning after pill in the library
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
