man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
