I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
We need a shit load of segways right now
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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