I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
