i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
