Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Do vagina's smell?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
