Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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