i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
