I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
