i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
