I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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