there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
