Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I need water and some morals
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
