the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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