The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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