I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
