we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize