pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
