break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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