i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
