I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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