he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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