Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
