she woke up with a sticky ear
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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