Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
