he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
