it's not cheating when I paid for it
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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