She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
