doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
