and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
