today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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