This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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