So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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