At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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