its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
