You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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